When the Dawn Breaks by Emma Fraser

Author:Emma Fraser [Fraser, Emma]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781405522922
Publisher: Little Brown
Published: 2013-08-15T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 25

Two weeks later, Jessie watched quietly as Tommy finished making the adjustments to his uniform. He was leaving for a training camp in England. From there he would go to France.

He looks fine, she thought.

He turned to her as he buttoned his jacket. ‘Are you all right?’ he asked.

‘No,’ she said quietly, hating herself for not being able to forgive him for leaving her.

He walked across to her and knelt in front of her, his kilt fanning around him. She felt the roughness of his calloused hands as he placed them on either side of her face. She pressed her cheek against his palm. ‘I wish you weren’t going, Tommy.’

‘I know, my dear, but I have to. I can’t stay here and let others do the fighting for me.’ It was the conversation they’d had several times since Tommy had burst into their flat, his cheeks red with excitement, and told her he’d joined the Seaforth Highlanders.

‘You could stay,’ Jessie said, even though she knew he couldn’t change his mind. ‘You volunteered, Tommy. You could’ve waited until they called you up.’

‘I couldn’t, Jessie. It’s not going to last long and I want to be there while I can.’ He placed his head in her lap and she stroked his hair with trembling hands. How could she bear it if he didn’t come back?

‘If you’d waited until after they’d given you the supervisor’s job we could have got one of the flats with a front room. We would have been able to rent it out, Tommy, and make some money.’

‘I know. But it’s not as if—’

‘It’s not as if we have Seamus to worry about any more. Is that what you were about to say? But one day there will, God willing, be other children. And when there are, I want them to have more than we did, Tommy. I want them to have an education, to have a chance to make something of themselves. I don’t want them growing up not knowing if there’ll be enough to eat. I don’t want them growing up without a father.’

Guilt settled around her like a cloak. Her ambition had led to Seamus’s death. If she hadn’t wanted to put money aside for his education she would never have taken in washing and brought diphtheria into their home. Tommy had never said anything to make her think he blamed her, but she blamed herself. Oh, she blamed herself. Maybe Tommy going off to war was her punishment. Maybe she shouldn’t want so much. Why couldn’t she have been satisfied with what she had? Tommy and her baby. They had enough to eat, clothes on their backs, shoes on their feet, the odd penny to go out for the day on Sundays. Why did she always want more than God had seen fit to give her?

‘I’ll be back on leave. You’ll see, Jessie. And you’ll get my pay.’

‘I don’t want you to go!’ Jessie pushed his head from her lap and jumped to her feet.

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